Rox and Roll

Elephants and Eggshells Don't Mix

I admit it: I'm a sucker for good quotes.  Perhaps it's the writer in me, but I really love when I read something unforgettable -- something I want to remember and repeat in a time of wit, or need, or fun.  I remember reading "I wish I knew how to quit you" long before it was the most memorable line from Brokeback Mountain (written by my all-time favorite author, E. Annie Proulx). 

Some of my favorite one-liners come from my kids, such as "When life gives you rockets, launch them."  (That one's from Dash.)  Or from my Grandma: "Wish in one hand, sh*t in the other, and see which one gets filled up first."  (That's some sage wisdom right there.)  Our life is full of talking, and, every so often, someone says something truly profound... something like, "Roxane, someday, you're going to be my wife."  The Guv said that five days after we met in boarding school.  We were standing outside my dorm in a light rain, right before sign-in time; he wore his baseball pullover and a Yale cap, and I thought he was probably just trying to get something out of me that I wasn't ready to give.  It turns out that he loved me then, and it took me only an extra day to love him back.  Nearly twenty years later, I can still hear him say it like it was yesterday.

Another time, years later, a friend with whom I worked at Beth Israel Hospital -- right around the same time as I worked with the accused killer Amy Bishop -- imparted some wisdom as I waited for that day when I would become the Guv's First Lady.  Her name was Shawn, and she was quiet, industrious, and wise, temping as she took classes at Harvard.  I learned a lot about faith from working alongside her.  When I was just about out of patience, waiting for our imminent engagement, Shawn told me, "Roxane, when you ask God for patience, you need to understand that He's giving you opportunities to learn it."

She was right.  And while my patience has improved over the years, it is still one of my greatest challenges. 

I'm precariously close to being out of patience, actually.  My health has been deteriorating since June 6, 2009, and this is the first crack in the facade to which I'll confess.  I'm tired of being sick.  I'm tired of how it's wrecking me emotionally.  I'm tired of how it makes me hypersensitive.  I'm tired of how it makes me tired.  I tried to take my daughter and a friend to the mall on Saturday, and, at the end of the trip, I couldn't breathe.  I felt like there was a weight on my chest the size of a grand piano.  And you know what?  That. Just. Sucked.

But the other thing I'm pretty tired of is people forgetting that maybe they need to back off because I'm sick.  I have never asked for special sensitivity in my life, so perhaps that's why some people aren't giving me much.  After all, I "look" fine.  And I try to look like I "feel" fine because I have kids. I don't want them to see that I'm hurt.  Plus, I think a lot of wellness is faking it when you're not 100%.  But, as Marsellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, "I'm pretty f*cking far from okay."  Forgive me for not wearing that on my sleeve every day.  Maybe I should make a sandwich board...

In any event, during this time of hardship for me, my patience and my temperament is being challenged.  One person in particular, someone with her own "issues," has been accusing me of negative feelings that, quite frankly, I do not harbor.  I tried to reply to her e-mail missives at first, but I stopped.  I believe in talking -- if not live, then on the phone.  Yet I've been told not to call.  A common friend says she's "fragile."  (I have other words for it.)  Finally, for no apparent reason, after a few weeks of peace in the kingdom, she removed me from her friend list on Facebook.  I only found out because I went to her Facebook page to click on a link for a website to buy her a gift -- because even after wrangling "issues," maintaining a relationship with this girl is important to me because of other shared friends.  I wanted to try to do something right, to move forward on a positive note.   After all, everyone has bad days (or even bad months) sometimes.  I went to the page to cut her some slack.  And instead, I am cut off.

So, as much as I've kept up a good face for these last nine months, I want to confess that I'm human.  I'm particularly weak right now, and more than a little sensitive.  This is absolutely, positively the wrong time to pick a fight with me.  Everyone will lose.  The stress of a fight directly affects my health, and I just can't have that.  In this particular case, I don't understand what is going on, and I alternate between confusion, anger and sadness.  It's schizo.  If this is one of those "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" moments, how can I do that when I don't even know that the "things" are?

Part of me wishes that I knew how to quit this girl before she quit me.  Part of me wishes I weren't always so nice -- that I could pen a missive that outlined exactly what my own "issues" were.  But what master does that serve?  The master of retribution?  The master of anger?  The master of righteous indignation?  It's just not who I am.  This blog post is the closest I'll come to having my say, and it's the most I'll ever say about my feelings about the situation, which is that it sucks for everyone involved.  What is the hardest thing for me is that I have no way to make it better.  I can't make someone leave me alone.  I can't make someone talk with me who doesn't want to talk.  I can't make someone else's "issues" go away.  And I sure as hell can't walk on eggshells, especially with the elephant that's currently sitting on my chest.  Elephants and eggshells don't mix.

So, I turn to what I know: advice from my rock, the Guv, reading, prayer, meditation -- all of the things that save me from myself.

From Buddha: Peace comes from within.  Do not see it without.

From Zen wisdom: If you do not get it from yourself, where will you go for it?

I have to go back into myself for a while now, back to the place where I know -- where all persons who know me, save perhaps one, know -- that my heart is pure and good, that I don't hurt and that I try my darndest to help anyone who needs it.  I have a lot of feelings right now about family, friendships, life, death, God, and a whole lot of other things that are very confusing and that I can't express.  But most of all, I know that I have to focus on happiness, health and healing -- on each smile my children give me, and on each new flower that opens in this glorious California spring.  Time is not unlimited no matter what your health, and I don't wish to waste another second of it on something ugly even if I live until 100.  These "issues" have derailed me from that quest for honesty, beauty and fulfillment; enough of that.

To that end, I started the day reading "The Glass Menagerie" -- and I quote, "His nature is not remorseless... To escape from a trap, he must act without pity."

I will end it with Saint Francis of Assisi, praying: Blessed is the servant who loves his brother as much when he is sick and useless as when he is well and an be of service to him.  And blessed is he who loves his brother as well when he is afar off as when he is by his side, and who would say nothing behind his back he might not, in love, say before his face.

I am at peace, and, especially if you have the patience which I lack and have read this far -- peace, I wish you, too.  (Yes, even, and especially, her.)

In which Dash and Mama talk about being 5 and 36

Dash: "Mama, I love being five.  Do you?"

Mama: "Dash, I love that you're five, and I love that you love being five.  I loved being five too.  But I also love being thirty-six!"

Dash (looking wistful): "Yeah... Being 36 is really great."

Mama (chuckling): "How so?"

Dash: "Because when you're 36, you can jump out of airplanes whenever you want."

Mama: "That's true!"

Dash: "So?"

Mama: "So what?"

Dash: "So do you want to jump out of an airplane?"

Mama (humoring him): "Maybe someday!"

Dash: "Why not right now?  You're 36!"

Mama: "Dash, you know, you're on to something.  Why not now?  I'm 36!"

Dash: "Mama... it's bedtime.  And it's dark.  You can't jump out of a plane right now!"

Mama: "True, true."

Dash: "But tomorrow, my friend Liam and I, we're going to fly you in a plane up to the sky, and you can jump out!"

Mama: "So let me get this straight: you can't jump out of a plane at age 5, but you can FLY one?"

Dash: "Sure, why not?!  Tomorrow!"

Mama: "I guess we'll see..." 

(He was just so happy at the possibility that I didn't have the heart to tell him no!  And he went to sleep with the world's biggest smile on his five year-old sweet little face.)

On the possibility that our kids will be alright

In this post, I am participating in the Silicon Valley Moms Blog book club.  We read "the possibility of everything," a non-fiction memoir by Hope Edelman. 

Some days, I feel like we're living in a society where every parent thinks there's something seriously wrong with their kids.  I haven't read Judith Warner's new tome on the subject, "We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication," but I'll tell you that I probably agree with her assessment, even though I'm no fan of Warner's over-sensationalism of these and other sensitive subject matters related to parenthood.  (I despised Warner's "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety," but it was spot-on.)  We're smacking labels on kids like they're jars, not people, and we're giving them drugs to control their behavior.  This is f**ked up.  It's like parents of my generation (I'm 36) have thrown up their collective hands, crying: "They're all bad, and it can't be our doing, so something has to be done... see a doctor!  Get some Ritalin!  Give him more time on a test, because my kid is clearly gifted and is underperforming simply because of his condition."  That's right, folks: it's not our fault.  We live in an age (and for me, a place -- California) where kids aren't told no anymore -- heck, we can't even keep score in 4th grade basketball because someone might lose -- but we're not at fault for having kids that can't deal.  I apologize for being heavy on the sarcasm, here, but seriously?  I'm embarrassed that we parents aren't doing better -- without the drugs, without the special needs labels (some are legit, but many aren't), without the behavioral psychologists and the special sports rules and the "kid gloves."  Let's get real, people; our kids aren't acting "normal" because their lives aren't "normal."  Until we're willing to let them walk to school and play outside and have less-full schedules ... until we let them experience wins and losses and successes and failures ... well, until then (and we'll never get back there at this rate), we might as well throw our hands in the air.  We're not letting them be children, so there's no wonder that Warner's books hit home some salient points about parenting these days going over the top and over the edge. [end rant]

With all of the baggage (ahem, see above) that I bring related to today's parenting stage, it was with great trepidation that I began to read "the possibility of everything," a memoir that, among other things, delved into a family's experience with a shaman treating their three year-old's ailments: croup and an imaginary friend. (I rolled my eyes: we're treating imaginary friends now?!)  Edelman's memoir is as much a travelogue of her family's trip to Belize as it is a snapshot into parenting her 3-something year-old daughter, Maya.  It's a tale that unfolds beautifully: lush descriptions of scenary intertwined with information on the history of bush doctors/shaman ... and, underlying it all, is the neurosis of a mother who really can't understand her child's behavior without help.  (It's my belief that, had Maya been a second child, the behavior would've been less disturbing and the experiences in the book may not have occurred.)  "Neurosis" may seem like a strong term, but Edelman has a lot of anxiety, fears and self-doubts that she openly shares -- something I really liked about the book.  So many mothers pretend like they have the parenting thing down pat and are "practically perfect in every way" (to quote Mary Poppins).  Edelman offers no pretense: she is what she is, and she has her hands overfull with one little Maya.  More than anything, Edelman entered the story wanting a vacation; she leaves it having transformed from over-anxious to laid-back, just like one enters and leaves a vacation.  But the source of the transformation isn't just a trip to Belize and a handful of days in the sun; it's in how her connection to her daughter transforms with outside forces, the intervention of faith that perhaps some things are out of our control and can be made better simply because we're willing to believe that they can get better (that, and a flower bath, which I think could cure a lot of what ails me!). 

For me, the book inspired me to think about parenting today (again, see rant above) and the lengths I would go to if I thought something were wrong with my kid -- but also, the perspective I have on what's "wrong" and what just "is."  I remain unconvinced that the imaginary friend in Edelman's book was really a problem, but at least Edelman's response wasn't to have the kid assessed seventeen ways from Sunday, in therapy and on drugs by age four.  Thank God for that, because there are too many taking the other option. 

At the end of the day, dwelling in possibility is much better than today's feelings of impossiblity, and perhaps that's why I enjoyed the book so very much.  If we all just have a little faith, and cast aside societal pressures and preconceived notions of how things are supposed to be -- if we just pay a little more attention and, for God's sake, relax a little -- I think we'll come to the place that Edelman finally reaches at the end of her book.  Maya's going to be alright; and all of our kids are going to be alright -- but only if we believe in that possibility.  Is that too high a bar?  I'm off to read Warner's book (grudgingly), and I'll try to answer that question for you afterward!

I always add a note on whether or not I'd recommend this book, and I'm thrilled to reply with an enthusiastic yes.  It's billed as a memoir, but it could be read as a limited travelogue on Belize; anyone who enjoys exposure to and learning about another culture would enjoy it.  It's also great for anyone interested in alternative medicine, parenting in general, or stories of leaps of faith.  I'll be hanging onto it as a re-read -- something I don't do very often, so that's high praise from me. 

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book.  I did not commit to reviewing the book at all, let alone favorably, and am not being otherwise compensated for participation in this or any other book club.

No more 5th birthdays around here!!!

That's it: I can never have another five year-old birthday in my house.

On Petunia's 5th birthday in 2005, we rushed her to the most God-awful ER in the world in Trenton, NJ because she was blue -- BLUE -- because of a severe asthma attack.  (That asthma disappeared totally with our move to California, by the way.)  We had given her a doctor's kit for her birthday; she took it to the hospital with her.  It would've been cute if it weren't so darned sad.

Fast forward to today, Dash's 5th birthday.  In the middle of the night on Sunday/Monday, Dash threw up a few times.  We figured it was just excitement over his My Gym party on Sunday morning; he never spiked a fever, and by noon on Monday was eating like a horse.  I dutifully kept him home from school on Monday and Tuesday (can't go within 24 hours of vomiting!); and there was no school today, on his birthday... so he had to start throwing up AGAIN.  (No school tomorrow -- no break for me!)

This time, it was clearly a stomach bug.  The kid vomited until there was nothing left except for his pancreas, as I think his spleen came up moments before.  It was that bad... bad enough that I called the nurse because the vomit was day-glo yellow, and I thought for sure that it was the contents of his soul.  (His soul would be sunny yellow.  I just know.)  She had me give him teaspoons of liquid every ten minutes starting half an hour after each booting session, clearly a recipe for disaster from a nurse with a sick sense of humor.  He parked himself on my chair -- my sacred chair in my bedroom, the chair on which no child will ever ever ever vomit because it's my chair -- and threw up all day in a bucket, only because I told him what'd happen to him if one drop of vomit touched my chair.  (No more birthdays!)

But the saddest thing, the thing that broke my heart, is when he looked into my eyes around 8 am and said, "Mama, I don't want my birthday to be today.  I'm too sick.  I want to feel good for my birthday.  Maybe we can have it tomorrow?" 

"We can, but don't you want to open your presents?"

"No, Mama, I can't.  I already told you, today is not my birthday."

It did seem like the least I could to was let him vomit a bucket on my chair.

"Free Style" starring Corbin Bleu - DVD review and giveaway

Courtesy of 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment*, our family screened the movie Free Style last weekend.  Starring Corbin Bleu of High School Musical fame, Free Style follows the dreams of Cale Bryant, who aspires to race motocross professionally.  Bad luck derails his dreams until he meets Alex (Sandra Echeverría, star of Telemundo’s “Marina”), who gives him the support he needs to race and win.   Free Style also stars Penelope Ann Miller (Kindergarten Cop) and Madison Pettis (The Game Plan), and features music from star Corbin Bleu and The Jonas Brothers.

Beyond High School Musical, my kids are big Corbin Bleu fans from the movie "Jump In," so they had high hopes for this film.  In the end, they found the movies very comparable: the lead character has big dreams, obstacles get in the way, but the character triumphs anyway.  Both movies are formulaic, but that works well for my 9 year-old girl who is gripped by hardship and loves when it leads to a happy ending.  My 5 year-old boy wanted more dirt-to-rubber in the movie; there was to much else to the story for him when he just wanted to see racing.  That said, both kids enjoyed the movie enough to want to watch it a second time a few days later, which doesn't always happen.  All in all, the movie is family-friendly with some good life-lessons.

The only thing better than our family enjoying a good new movie is the opportunity to share it with your family.  Thanks to 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, I have three copies to give away!  If you're interested, leave a comment with your favorite "extreme" sport, making sure to sign in with your e-mail address (which won't display).  I'll enter everyone into a randomizer to pick winners this Sunday, February 28 at around 9 pm PST.  I'll contact winners on Sunday; winners should reply by Tuesday, March 2 at 9 am PST with your address in order to receive your movie.  Good luck, and enjoy the show!

* Disclaimer: Our family was provided with a screener copy of this movie.  I am not obligated to write about the movie or to review it in a positive way; I do so of my own free will and with no compensation beyond a copy of the movie and an opportunity to share it with my own readers through a giveaway.

On choosing to find the positive

Recently, I heard some bad news about my ongoing lung issues.  I'll be going through some more invasive testing in late March, and there's some possible surgical intervention in my near future.  This is a bit of a shock, as my next-to-last CT scan led my doc to think I might be headed out of the woods; the clearer picture in my CT scan last week told a 180-degree different story.

I'd go into detail about what's going on, but it's all still guesswork.  The good news is that the situation is still under investigation and believed to be identifiable, treatable, and perhaps even correctable.  With that in consideration, there is no bad news.  Things could be worse, and I won't fall prey to self-pity. 

What I am doing is using this struggle to reflect on a whole lot of things: foremost, the joy of living in a positive way.  There is so much wonder in the everyday, and it's all the more apparent when your everyday is challenged.  I pay so much more attention to the little things, like the beauty of the spring that has already sprung here in Palo Alto.  I also am a lot more careful not to take people's love for granted.  I'm most guilty of doing that with regard to my husband, who deserves a lot more credit than I give him for being a really good man.  I do appreciate him a great deal, but I don't show it enough, and the same goes for my kids, my parents, and a whole lot of other family and friends. 

But what's the best way to show that appreciation?  I'm no sap, so it's a little hard.  For some folks, I can just give a little more of my time, checking in a little more and making sure that I'm taking as much time to ask about their lives as they've been taking to follow up on my health news.  I know that when I feel listened to, I feel like I've received a gift; and I can return that gift in kind.  For others, after some significant introspection, I decided that I can do them a favor by letting go of a lot of things about which I've been bitter -- some of which have been for great reason, but stewing on them and discussing them on end serves no purpose.  The Guv has accused me many times of being too process-focused and not outcomes-oriented enough.  He's right.  What's my definition of victory?  Right now, it's simply living a joy-filled life surrounded by only positive energy.  That goal is inconsistent with a whole lot of negativity around me these days.  To spare feelings, I'm not going to list these things.  (File that one under: "I appreciate you, so I'm not going to call you out on my blog.")  I'm only going to write that I can't change other people's behaviors, so I'm changing my own.  Picture me, sitting on the beach at Half Moon Bay, waving "jazz hands" in the air and surrendering.  Letting go.  Telling you that if I've been wrong to you, I'm sorry.  Telling you that if you have treated me wrongly, maybe even many times, I forgive you.  I can't change you, and you can't change me; yet we can both be better people.  If you're among these folks surrounding me with "issues," know that you can't get under my skin right now; so, if you have a bone to pick, pick it elsewhere.  It's both unhealthy for me and unhealthy for you.  I've checked out of these little niggling battles.  I can only serve one master right now, and that has to be me, with a focus on healing my body.  It's funny how healing my head and my heart is coming about as part of that process.

I posted a Facebook status today quoting a Zen proverb: "Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional."  Yes, I'm experiencing some pain, but no, I'm not suffering.  I choose not to suffer.  I choose to fight my illness and nothing else.  I choose to be grateful. I choose to be happy. 

I choose to get well. 

Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club: Mominatrix

In this post, I'm participating in the Silicon Valley Moms Blog book club.  This time around, we read "The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms" by Kristen Chase.  Ummm... yeah. 

I couldn't think of what to title this post.  I couldn't even think about what to write in this post.  My mom, my mother-in-law, and, occasionally, my husband's boss read this blog... and so does my husband, who didn't know this book was in my possession until right about now.  My writing on this subject matter isn't exactly something I wish to share with any of these people (and no, Guv, you can't see the book.  Down boy!).  I'm really curious what my sisters in blogging are going to write about, and who their audience is ... While I feel pretty much like keeping silent on the subject, I do, however, want to wax philosophically on the topic at hand.

There seem to be two camps when it comes to sex-talk: hyper-sexualized and it's none of your darned business.  At BlogHer '09, there was a "Room 704" party during which adult toys were distributed ... and anyone trying to get close to the swag bag table risked losing their teeth, because, IMHO, my girlfriends were all about the anonymity of the gifties.  Getting a vibrator without having to mail-order?  Score!  I walked away (well, maybe I ran a little) without a bag, because these women were scary.  And if I want a toy, there are plenty of shops in San Francisco, thank you very much... I don't need to fight you for it.

Beyond BlogHer, there are the parties.  I used to get invited to Tupperware, then scrapbooking, then lingerie, and now... there are those toys again.  Even my retiree mom has been invited to one.  I'm wondering: is it a good thing that our social norms are becoming less prudish, or is this all just a little too French for my comfort zone?  The pole dancing class at my gym sure as heck isn't about weight loss... what in the world is going on here?!

I know what's not going on: talk of this subject in a public forum, at least not among my girlfriends.  The only time we chat about it is if someone's pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or trying to find a way to never get pregnant again.  I have a feeling that the boys behave differently, and, in that vein, perhaps Kristen Chase is onto something here.

But the other thing I think is that there seems to be an assumption that once you're married with kids, you're out to pasture, else why would a book like Mominatrix need to be written? 

I don't know... or I'm not sharing.  But I will add my note on whether or not the book is worth reading: maybe... depends on your needs, or your partner's, I guess.  Bury it in a drawer, though, because I opened mine in full view of my kids, and the one who can read asked why I was reading a book about naughty moms.  Whoops!

Of Valentines Past

For as long as I can remember, Valentine's Day has been my favorite holiday.  I think it started when I was in 1st grade in Arlington, Virginia.  I remember the school lacking Christmas/Hanukkah holiday festivities because there were a lot of orthodox families who didn't acknowledge those holidays... but then Valentine's Day came about, and the school exploded with big red hearts and a feeling of love.  Everybody loves somebody, my teacher said.  Amen to that!

Fast forward eleven years to 1991, my first Valentine's Day with the Guv.  I was smarting from the previous year's Valentine's Day, a lovely evening spent with a boy on whom I had a major crush... only to find out that he was seeking advice from me on how to get back with his ex-girlfriend.  But in 1991, something was different: my boyfriend, a Yale freshman, wasn't going to be with me on Valentine's Day, because it was mid-week and my school in Massachusetts might as well have been a million miles away.  I vowed not to be bitter; we'd be together that weekend to celebrate.

But there he was.

I came out of the library, where I spent my recesses -- what can I say?  I'm cool like that -- and noticed a spectacle.  Then, I heard the yelling... "ROXANE!  ROXANE!  WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE???"  I turned and ran back into the building, embarrassed beyond belief.

Not really.  I walked over to him, my jaw on the ground.  He had skipped school and forked over a lot of cash for a train trip to be with me on this special day.  He had a huge bouquet of balloons, and flowers, and a heart-shaped box full of Russel Stover chocolate-covered cherries, which, unfortunately, I loathe.  But that didn't matter, because there he was.  And he's been there for the subsequent 17, almost 18, Valentine's Days.  Although he almost wasn't...

I was certain the Guv would propose marriage to me on Valentine's Day 1996, but he didn't.  I spent three days trying to figure out why before he finally popped the question on February 17, when he started driving north from our Boston apartment on the coldest day of the year. I giggled the entire way, even when I said "yes."  It was five minutes until 4 pm on a bitterly cold Sunday, yet I've never felt warmer. 

Valentine's Day remains my favorite holiday, but it matters a little less now; every day is Valentine's Day when one is surrounded by as much love as I am.  I remember every day how lucky I am for that.  Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours, and may you, too, find yourself in love's warm embrace, this year and always.

A Missive from the Sick House

Mid-day today, I found myself standing in the middle of my living room, scratching my head, and asking out loud -- loudly -- what the hell has been happening around here the past couple of weeks?!

We've had a dose of bad karma 'round these parts that is pretty unbelievable.  It started with the Guv claiming that Dash was sick and my denying it ... and Dash spending a night booting up his guts.  Then the cough set in, and I heard some crackles, and then I started coughing... and wham, Dash is fighting pneumonia, has been out of school for over a week, and I'm still coughing.  I'm in denial about what the coughing means for my lungs -- which finally, last month, showed "normal" inflammation markers for the first time since June of last year.  Seven-plus months of pneumonia was enough, thank you; I'm not going back there.  I'll just sit right here on my nebulizer, pop some more antibiotic pills, and continue my cruise down De Nile. 

Petunia caught it for a day, apparently mistaking Groundhog Day for April Fool's Day, realizing that she had a mother who was sick enough to want her to stick around and play with her brother so that, when mom's bed called, mom could answer it... yeah.  She's back in school, having avoided "it."

But then, today, the dog's turn came.  The first clue was last evening, when she had an accident.  ("Accident" means "crapped on the floor," by the way.)  It's pretty rare that Lola has an accident these days; she's pretty good about barking at the door to ask to be let out.  We only take her out on leash, still, as there are too many places where she could escape; she can fit through the bars of a baby gate, and our fence is, at parts, less secure.  Last night, she didn't bark, she just went on the floor -- and it was a little bit ickier than usual, but I thought little of it.  Then midnight rolled around, and I heard scratching on the floor of her crate.  And a little bit of whimpering.  And since the Guv and Dash were sleeping right under that crate (in the basement), I figured I should investigate.  Whhooot, that smell!   It didn't look too bad, so I took her out to finish her business (no luck), then left her in the dog bed to sleep it off.

I woke up this morning to find what can only be described as a Shit Explosion with a side of Projectile Vomiting.  Thank God the dog is confined to one rug-free, leather-and-wood room.  That shit was everywhere.  It was impossible to take a step without strategic planning.  The kids stood at the gate, agog.  Then Dash ran away, and he probably threw up (he usually does when the dog has accidents in the house).  It was 7:35 a.m., Petunia had to leave for school in 15 minutes, and there was no way I'd even make it to her lunchbox in that time frame.  Somehow, though, it all came together, and then the reality hit: something had to make the dog sick.  Generally speaking, dog bowels just don't spontaneously combust without reason.  I figured I'd better call the vet.  It was her day off, so I left a message, contemplating whether or not to call her back-up clinic.  She rang back with a lot of questions about where she is allowed to roam free (nowhere), whether or not she could've ingested a huge chunk of Something Bad that could be obstructing her (unlikely), and where we walk her (around the yard and 'hood).  "Are you near your backyard?" she asked.  "Yes," I answered.  "Will your phone reach that far" she asked. "It's wireless, so I think so," I replied.  "Go to where the dog goes," she ordered.  I did.  "Now look around, like you're a dog," she ordered.  I thought my vet was probably trying to have a good laugh, but I got on all fours, then crouched even lower.  And I saw: mushrooms.  E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but, normally, I'm not in my bed moaning because I can't breathe again.  Ergo, Petunia and, on one occasion, the Guv, have been taking Lola out for several days to do her business.  They have the attention span of gnats, those peas-in-a-pod, and they wouldn't notice if Lola was chewing off her own limb, let alone a Mushroom of Death.  Not that I'm blaming them -- I've gotten so used to her trying to mouth acorns in our yards that I wouldn't have thought anything of her chewing on something.  But she likely didn't eat "whatever" it was on my watch, which made me feel all the worse that I can't garden for crap.

The vet was holding... "Whoops," I told her.  "I'm not exactly a great gardener."  She told me to google "death cap mushroom," and, while it doesn't appear that we have those (though they do favor live oaks, under which our species of mushroom were growing), we had several other varieties, some of which looked like the pictures of "toxic" on the "why the hell are these mushrooms in your yard?" website.  She suggested I take Lola to a vet clinic in San Mateo (which might as well be San Francisco from where I live), as they have an on-site lab and can tell instantly if she's in liver failure, which is what comes of mushroom toxicity.  (Seriously; three dumbasses humans ate death cap mushrooms last autumn and killed themselves.)

So... the vet found an elevated liver enzyme, just not high enough to be super-alarming.  The options were: pay hundreds of dollars for her to get subcutaneous fluid and take her home with medication, watching her carefully and bringing her for a recheck tomorrow; or pay thousands of dollars for them to keep her there and, if she was going to die of liver failure, they'd make her comfortable but probably wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it.  So... we're home.  Waiting.  Watching.  So far, so good. 

Meanwhile, I called a "real" gardener who is coming tomorrow afternoon to spec things out.  I'm pretty much planning on concreting everything except for a small patch of fake grass.  At best, we'll rip out all of the native grasses under, in, and around which the mushrooms hide; at worst, we really will rip out the whole yard and replace it, not just for the dog but also because I really can't keep it up (and don't care to do so).  

I can't stop kicking myself about all of this, on a number of levels.  If I were just a little more pushy about Dash's hand-washing, maybe he wouldn't have gotten the bug that grew into pneumonia.  If he didn't get a bug that grew into pneumonia, and if I didn't need to sleep with him when he was sick, then maybe my own lungs would be as well as they were last week.  And if we were both well, then no one else would've taken the dog for a walk; I'd have been on it, and she wouldn't have eaten anything...

Aww, who am I kidding... the mushrooms would still be there, because I never would've thought twice about their presence (if I could even see them from my usual standing height).  Lesson learned, the hard way... though it's late at night, and little Lo seems to be doing fine.  My poor furry little baby.  Tomorrow, the gardening begins.

Petunia has a dream that people will stick together like legos

For the last several MLK days, I've read Petunia a book about the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and we've watched his "I Have a Dream" speech.  She hasn't learned much in school yet about the civil rights movement or MLK; it seems to me that if they're to have a day off from school to celebrate Dr. King, kids should understand what they're honoring.  This year, I included Dash in the memorial. 

Petunia grew up in a different life context from Dash; our area of New Jersey was not very diverse racially, meaning that it was mostly white.  Dash, however, has spent a year and a half in California attending a preschool where about twelve different languages (maybe more) are spoken.  It seems like the school has kids from every race, creed, religion, culture, etc.  And unlike Petunia, who once noted when we drove through Trenton that "there are a lot of African-Mexicans here," Dash actually knows the difference between African-Americans and Mexicans (not that he cares).  The story of the "I Have a Dream" speech and the accompanying civil rights march left him puzzled and concerned.  I tried to reassure him that "things are different now" (well, at least until you take sociology in college), and Petunia tried to help explain.  Her explanation included the Rosa Parks story and how Obama never could've been President.  She also mentioned which kids wouldn't be in Dash's classroom, and how Mama and Daddy never could've been married.

Wait... huh?

When Petunia was little, she used to draw and color our family quite a bit: peach-colored Mom, peach Petunia, peach Dash... and a brown Daddy.  We've laughed a lot over our brown Daddy over the years.  The Guv inherited his Greek father's dark coloring, and he is, indeed, quite a bit darker than his lily-white wife.  But we didn't realize until this year that Petunia actually thought he was "other" as opposed to just darker than us.  We had a long discussion about it, and she dug in: "he IS a different ethnicity, Mama," she insisted.  "But you're that ethnicity, too," I retorted.  "Yes, but no one would think my skin is brown," she shot back.  "No one thinks Daddy's skin is brown, either," I chuckled, "except for you.  He's European.  Mediterranean.  He's white, even though he's a different shade of white."  We reached a point of agreement, and we talked about all of the different people we know who look different from us despite our shared whiteness; we also talked about Obama's mixed race... and, most importantly, we had a fantastic conversation about finding the sameness among our differences.  It was a pretty exhausting conversation, especially for a mother who'd rather her children focus less on the color of someone's skin than on the content of their character, as Dr. King suggests.

Then we adjourned our lesson, and Dash and I read a few books that helped to reinforce our conversation (e.g. "I Am America") as Petunia drafted her 2010 "I Have a Dream" speech.  Here it is:

I have a dream, that little kids, like me, won't make fun of each other's religion or skin.  I have a dream that angels will bring peace on earth.  I have a dream that war will end.  I have a dream that everyone is happy and healthy.  I have a dream that poor people have a home.  I have a dream that dogs, cats, and guinea pigs will get along.

I have a dream that people will stick together like legos.  I have a  dream that you have a dream.  I have a dream that pets will be happy and healthy.  I have a dream that our future will be great.  I have a  dream that dinosaurs will be in our hearts.  I have a dream that we will always be nice people. 

(I didn't publish last year's speech, but Petunia's 2008 one is here.)

High-Fives from 2009

At first, I didn't want to remember 2009 at all; after my lung issues that started last June and are ongoing, it's a year I'd rather forget in some ways.  But I like to put a positive spin on things (plus geekymummy tagged me with this great meme) so here are my 2009 high-fives:

1. My kids gained independence

The one good thing that came from my being sick is that my kids learned to self-manage on an all new level.  At no point were they ever unsafe or unsupervised under my care, but, especially in Vermont over the summer, I wasn't bouncing around doing tons of things with them; I was lounging on a chair, couch or bed while they played.  And play, they did.  When I felt too tired to drive them to the pool or wherever, they grabbed fishing nets and caught frogs in our vernal pool.  They climbed trees.  They played tag and chase.  They did somersaults.  They drew pictures.  They laughed together, had a summer-long sleep-over and became the best of friends to each other -- not an easy feat for kids over four years apart in age.

In other words, for one brief summer, their childhood mirrored mine at Dash's age, when I was on a farm, surrounded by few toys but lots of nature and some other great kids (in my case, cousins) with whom I'd play.   I love that my childhood was so carefree, and I love that my kids had a taste of that this summer -- and love that we've kept our house in Vermont so that they have a direct contrast in lifestyle compared to their always-on Silicon Valley one.

2. BlogHer

I perked up this summer just long enough -- barely long enough -- to make it to my first BlogHer conference in Chicago.  I had seen a pulmonologist at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center who gave me some super-strong, amazing drugs that almost saw me through the whole conference, until I started reacting to them halfway through.  Yeah, that splotchy girl at BlogHer?  That was me. 

But oh, was it fun.  It was a giant party.  (I posted about it here, here and here.)  Yes, I learned some valuable things about blogging/writing; most valuable to me was a session on op-eds given by Katie Orenstein.  But mostly, I just had a blast, meeting bloggers from my Silicon Valley Moms Group sisterhood, a whole lot of funny ladies, and I slept (not much -- these gals party late!) in my own hotel room, totally on a vacation from my real life, for three whole nights.  It was heaven.  Next year: BlogHer in NYC!  Start spreading the news!

3. Unpacking the last box

In our seven years in NJ, we never unpacked all of the way ... perhaps a sign that we weren't meant to stay there.  (Of course, it could also be a sign that I had two kids and, at one point, a full-time job and full-time graduate school.)  In late-2009, we unpacked the last box in our Silicon Valley home.  I think it was our declaration that we're here to stay!  We all love it here ... the weather, our tons of friends, proximity to Stanford and to a great downtown, the Guv's five-minute bike commute ... Life is good here in CA!

4. Experiencing Tahoe

We are used to snow; after all, we live part-time in Vermont!  But I've never ever seen snow in my life like that in Tahoe.  Wow.  We spent a couple of nights there and, on one of those nights, slept through an eighteen-inch snowfall.  Unlike New England or New Jersey, it didn't shut down anything; you just put on your big-girl panties tire chains and deal.

The tire chain fiasco is worthy of a whole separate blog post, but, in short, we did it, and the kids skiied Sugar Bowl.  Dash could've cared less about skiing and, instead, wanted to throw snowballs all day, every day.  Petunia, however, could handle intermediate runs there.  Apparently, if one has learned to ski on "asphalt" (what Tahoe folks call Vermont's snow), one can ski rather well.  We watched our girl go over some light jumps at the end, reach the bottom, and pump her arms in the air.  I always wanted my kids to ski because it's something that I couldn't do and felt left out sometimes because of (those high school and college ski trips didn't accommodate non-skiers with fun stuff like tubing in my day).  Mission accomplished!

The bummer of it all was that I would have loved to snowboard in Tahoe.  Oh, how soft those landings would've been in all that fresh powder!  But, alas, I couldn't breathe.  2010 is the year my bum lung gets fixed, because I have to get back up to that mountain and ride. 

5. Last but definitely not least: the puppy

I never thought I'd be dog-less for as long as I've been, but the timing never seemed right.  When we decided that we're almost definitely positive that we weren't having any more kids, I started researching dog breeds (pretty much immediately after Dash's birth).  Criteria: small enough to ride inside the cabin of a plane with us, fun, kid-friendly, non-shedding, no-dander.  We ended up with our Havanese puppy Lola, and she is just the best dog ever.  She doesn't bark unless someone comes to the door.  She has ways to tell us when she needs to go outside.  She doesn't bite, and she loves to play.  Our favorite thing is to take her to the beach or to a park where the Guv chases her in circles; she runs super-fast.  We all love her to pieces, and she loves us right back -- and even the Guv, never a dog lover, will be caught letting her lick his face.  Lola's addition to our family was the highlight of 2009 for me.

Thanks again to geekymummy for tagging me with this meme!  It was lots of fun!  Have a great 2010 everyone!

When life gives you suppositories

In this post, I am participating in the Silicon Valley Moms Blog Book Club.  We read "See Mom Run" subtitled "Side-Splitting Essays from the World's Most Harried Moms" by Beth Feldman.  In response, we are coming up with our own side-splitting stories.  This story was originally posted on my now-retired Vox blog in July of 2008.  Try as I might to come up with a new side-splitting story, this one is the funniest in my toolbox -- even funnier now, as I have a pre-pubescent daughter who would be extra-embarrassed if this happened in front of her today!  Here's the tale:

At the pool this afternoon, Dash saw a lifeguard wearing blue latex gloves to pick up trash. 

He exclaimed, at the top of his lungs, "MAMA, WHO NEEDS BUTT MEDI?" 

I tried to play it off, but the naive 16 year-old lifeguard sensed that he was being addressed, and he approached.  "What did he say?" the lifeguard asked.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," was my quiet response.

Apparently, Dash didn't want his mother to speak for him.  He pointed at the lifeguard's hands and rephrased, "Why do you have to give somebody butt medi at the pool?"

Again, the lifeguard asked, "What did he say?"

So I explained, "When Dash gets a fever, we give him suppositories to control the fever. He associates those gloves with the administration of the suppository."

Oh, my, but the lifeguard didn't get it.  "What's a suppository?" the sweet, naive, soon to be red-faced boy asked.

"Medicine inserted in the..." I began.

"BUTT MEDI!" Dash interrupted.

"Ohhhhhh," the guard muttered as he turned red and resumed his trash duty.  I was going to make some joke about being raised in West-by-God-Virginia and/or the movie Deliverance, but all I could manage through my giggles was the banjo riff... duh duh dah dah dah dah dah dah...

*****

Though the Silicon Valley Moms Blog book club does not do book reviews, I always add a note regarding whether or not this is a book I'd recommend.  In this case, I think "See Mom Run" is a fun mom-to-mom gift, or even a good gift for a new mom; I'll be passing it along to a friend who's pregnant with baby #1.  The essays aren't as side-splitting as I'd hoped, but they're amusing anecdotes worth a quick read -- as are many of the blogs from which the contributors came. Look 'em up!

Disclosure: I received a copy of the book for free for the purposes of this book club discussion.

Washing off the love

Dash has been a one-man laugh-riot these days.  I'm glad we're heading to the mountains to ski a bit to burn off some of that energy!  My new favorite Dashism:

"Mama, I can't take a bath.  It'll wash off all of the love." 

So we scrubbed him clean and re-covered him with kisses.  He didn't like that we invited the dog to help.

This is my last blog post of 2009, so I have to leave you with a wish: that no matter how much you bathe, you're always awash in love.  Happy New Year to all!

Is it January yet?

I have a confession to make: I'm feeling a little crabby about this whole "Christmas season" thing.  Perhaps it's the decorations that go on display in stores around Halloween -- or, in our neighbor's case, the very day after Halloween -- but I feel like it's been "the season" forever.  Like, enough, already... isn't it January yet?

Compounding my "bah, humbug" mood is my four year-old Dash, who has never, ever believed in Santa Claus.  He refuses to acknowledge Santa's existence, and, if we see one at a mall, you wouldn't believe what happens.  The kid leers, jeers and sneers.  Once, Santa motioned to Dash, indicating he was welcome to have a seat on his lap.  Dash's response?  "MAMA, RUN!"  And he took off at a speed that's the envy of many a reindeer.  The Guv finally got to see The Santa Reaction and was awestruck.  Really, what kid doesn't want someone to bring him presents?  And isn't Santa a "jolly old soul?"

Not to Dash.  To Dash, he's "creepy and old."  I tried to tell Dash that we have some creepy oldsters in our family, too, and he said, "that's different.  They aren't strangers who try to come down my chimney and give me stuff.  They're allowed to give me presents.  Santa's not." 

How do we argue with that?

So this year, Mom and Dad are giving gifts, and Santa is coming only for Petunia.  He will have shipped her gifts priority mail since he's unwelcome near our chimney.  Keeping up this ruse of "no Santa allowed near our house" is important because Dash hasn't slept well pretty much since the neighbors put their Christmas lights and decorations up the day after Halloween (yes, did I mention that date, November 1?).  His sleeplessness has everything to do with knowing that the creepy old man in the red suit lurks about until Christmas.  I'm pretty sure Dash'll be back to normal (well, as normal as Dash can be, anyway) on December 26.

In any event, I appreciate the e-mails from readers who enjoyed the first-ever Rox and Roll Holiday Gift Guides.  I never finished the one for "stuff that's not stuff" and apologize for that; that'll be next year's gift guide theme all-around.  And why didn't I finish it?  Did I mention I haven't slept since November 1?

So happy holidays to you and yours, and I'm leaving you with a present from a friend -- the very talented Wendi Aarons, a lovely blogger with whom I had the privilege of hanging out a bit at BlogHer last summer.  She wrote Tiger Woods' holiday letter for him, and it's just hysterical.  Read it here.

Have a very Merry Everything and a Happy 2010! - Rox

On Joy vs. Happiness

A newly-minted priest at our new church gave us something to think about in his sermon today.  He talked about the difference between having joy and being happy.  I can't do his sermon justice, but, basically, he cited a study in which parents single-mindedly agree that their A#1 goal for their kids is happiness.  But what is happiness?  That's the question...

The priest suggested that joy -- not happiness -- is a Christian's true calling, and that joy is contentment in the now... accepting that we have what we need in life, and that both the ups and downs make our lives what it is -- something for which to be grateful.  He further suggested that we can't both be grateful and empty inside, for, when we are grateful, we have joy.

I'm not sure that made sense then, and I'm not sure that it makes sense now -- but I do think that he's onto something, because I thought about it: Happiness, to many, is really the completion of a wish list (the priest suggested that, and I think he's spot-on).  Happiness is success, or wealth -- the attainment of some goal.  We wish happiness for our kids as a future goal.  But what about now?

The RoxAndRoll 2009 Holiday Gift Guide: Stuff for Kids

On a number of levels, I have had it with kids' toys these days.  Who invented these ridiculous Polly Pockets, with the rubber clothes that not even adults can take on and off?  Oh, that's right -- Mattel, a company that's on my Santa-please-give-them-coal list anyway for releasing a homeless American Girl doll without dedicating every single last dime of profit from that doll to homeless charities.  (I have omitted a link to the doll on purpose, and, bluntly, I think you're an asshat if you buy a $95 homeless doll.  Seriously.)  Mattel-owned American Girl states on their web site that they do give money to homeless charities, but they clearly have not dedicated the entire proceeds of the doll as they could have (else we'd have heard that advertised) -- so they are thus, in my hardly-humble opinion, profiteering without a thought to social consciousness.  Hey Mattel?  Bah, humbug.

Clearly, little gets me hot under the collar more than crappy, pointless toys, especially those exploiting a cause for profit.  See, I have these two great kids -- daughter Petunia, age 9, and son Dash, age 4 -- and, when I buy them stuff, I want it to be stuff that isn't junk.  I'm not a Waldorf-style mom, so they're not just limited to wooden blocks and baking stuff (Waldorf cultists followers, don't come after me -- I respect your right to your own ways weird as they are).  I like smart toys, toys that inspire creativity and scientific thinking especially.  And if they have to be dolls and cars, well, let's have dolls and cars that mean something. 

What follows is the list of my favorite kids' stuff of 2009 for kids aged pre-K through grade 5, including some things my own kids are getting for Christmas.  Shhh, don't tell! 

1. My favorite doll of 2009: The Earth Friends

My daughter loves dolls, and Christmas wouldn't be special for her without receiving a new one.  While she usually asks Santa for American Girl dolls, our house is boycotting the company this year over the $95 homeless doll.  Petunia is really, really sad about that -- those have been her favorite doll since age 4 -- but she is the one who suggested we step away from Mattel.  So Santa needed to find a way to fill the void.

Imagine my delight when I stumbled upon The Earth Friends at Green Fest this year.  The Earth Friends are a group of nine boy and girl dolls made locally, in Mendocino, CA, from organic and/or recycled materials.  They each come with a backpack containing a real, live tree planting kit -- encouraging environmental awareness and responsibility in children.  I can't wait to give my nine year-old tree-hugger this socially-conscious gift -- and what better time of year to do it?!

Pros: Locally-made, woman-founded/owned, environmentally-conscious, socially-conscious, organic and recycled materials; also hard-to-find boy dolls

Cons: Small dolls are 14 inches and cost $69; I saved $20 and shipping by purchasing mine at Green Fest.  Large dolls (22 inches) are usually $89 but are presently priced the same as small ones ($69) on the website.  Also, there aren't many accesories/outfits -- but most of my daughter's American Girl outfits will work on these, even though they're smaller.

2. My favorite building toy: Magna-Tiles

My son received Magna-Tiles as a 4th birthday gift in March, and he has played with them every single day since – and his 9 year-old sister enjoys them too!  They’re a great gift for the kid who loves to build.  My son has built his version of “Moffet Field” hangars from these things and uses them to house his mini-space shuttles; he has also built houses for Playmobil charaters, garages for those damn Matchbox cars, and many other things.   I’d gift these to any kid from about ages 3-7. 

Pros: Smaller than blocks, easy to pack for travel (great airplane entertainment!), opportunity for lots of science lessons (magnetism, physics, spatial relations), and fun!

Cons: Price -- at about $50 for a 32-block set, they're expensive.

3. My favorite gifts ever: Books

I struggled with where to put books on this gift list.  To me, they’re a valuable and important gift; but to a kid, depending on the kid, they may not be that exciting… unless you find the right book.  I could make a list a mile long of the books we love, but here’s what I think: if you’re going to give a gift to a child, find out what the kid’s interested in, and find a book to go along with it.  If a little boy loves Tonka trucks, there are awesome books for that, such as “If I Could Drive a Loader.”  If an elementary school girl loves art, she’ll love some how-to-draw books attached to a sketch pad, some pencils, and some Japanese erasers that everyone in grade school is collecting and trading these days.  If my son is given a book about a fire truck and a fire truck, he’s going to want to read the book while holding the fire truck – and I think that’s fantastic.

Here are the books we love most right now:

For Dash (pre-K):

• The Skippyjon Jones series by Judy Schachner: These books about a Siamese cat who thinks he's a chihuahua are rioutously funny, especially if the parent reading them can do a good Spanish accent!  They're a great gift for preschool-K/1 boys especially.
• Andrew Henry’s Meadow by Doris Burn: This classic is my new baby gift to any parents of boys, but girls will enjoy the book, too.  It's about a boy's quest (along with friends) to make his own world when his family doesn't make space for him -- sort-of.  I can't do this classic justice; it's an important addition to any library of kids up to probably grade 1-2.
• Christina Katerina and the Box by Patricia Lee Gauch: Another classic, this book will inspire your child to create great things, but beware: if you're not in the mood for your kid playing with boxes, you're lame this book isn't for you and yours.  I gift this one to lots of preschool girls.
• Mike Mulligan and More: Four Classic Stories by Virginia Lee Burton: All Virginia Lee Burton books are fantastic classics.  From Mike Mulligan and his steam shovel to Maybelle the cable car (a San Francisco classic), these books will be treasured by generations.  A great gift from birth - grade 1 or so.

For Petunia (grade 4):

• The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis: Whereas our daughter prefers to read the Harry Potter series with us, the Narnia books are manageable enough (short enough, with a reasonable age-appropriate vocabulary) for her to read alone.  For fantasy lovers, these can't be beat -- and they're good for boys and girls.
• Books by Madeleine L’Engle: I think "A Wrinkle In Time" remains my favorite book ever.  I can't imagine a better book for a fourth grade girl!  Another great fantasy read, perhaps a little more girlie but good for either gender.
• Cornelia and the Audacious Escapades of the Somserset Sisters by Lesley M.M. Blume: Petunia got a real kick out of the 11 year-old protagonist, Cornelia; plus, the book challenged her with some bigger words.   Blume is a relatively new author (and, in the interest of full disclosure, the wife of a friend of the Guv's) who is receiving a lot of good critical acclaim; Publisher's Weekly calls her "a writer to watch," and the Chicago Tribune calls her writing ""brilliant, unusual."  Petunia is getting her newest book, Tennyson, for Christmas.
  

4. My favorite classic gift: Legos

I could spend all day, every day playing Legos with my kids.  In her Lego phase, Petunia built many of the Star Wars ships and the Harry Potter castle from kits;  these days, Dash likes to create his own things (especially biplanes), though he’s using some of the Lego City kits as well.  Fortunately, we don’t have to buy a lot of bricks because we have my brother’s old Legos.  If you’re going to gift these, I recommend buying just the bucket of blocks over a special kit, then go to Lego’s website and download some templates for some cool creations that aren’t trademarked. 

Pros: Inspires creativity, imagination and fine motor skill development; a range of prices for any budget.

Cons: Not great for houses with puppies or babies/toddlers because of the choking hazard factor.  Also, the cost for some of the larger kits is ridiculous.

5. My favorite educational gift: Science Kits

These have always been a huge hit in my house.  Scientific Explorer makes a bijillion different ones.  Have a kid who loves Harry Potter?  There's a "Magic Science Wizards Kit."   A girlie girl?  "Spa Science."  A gross boy?  "Disgusting Science."  These are all for elementary school-aged kids and range from $15-$25 usually.

We've also loved some bigger science toys like the Gears Illumabot , pictured at right.   What's cooler than a robot?!  We bought this for Petunia in 2nd grade, and she required help to put it together but is still enjoying it years later; Dash is beginning to play along.  It's around $50.

At the Fun Paper Airplanes website, you can download paper airplane templates to make your own kit for a kid who loves airplanes, origami, and/or physics.  I used these templates to teach some Brownies physics principles; Petunia used them in her first-ever science fair project last year on "how dihedral wings affect flight."  This is a nearly-FREE gift that is extra-special when you put the time in to build them with the kid recipient.

Of course, you could also wrap up baking soda and vinegar, help a kid build a volcano in a sandbox, and have some cheap fun!

Pros to science kits: You're helping America to close the science gap, keeping us competitive with places like India whose kids are much more ahead in science; you're inspiring future Americans to become great scientific thinkers and leaders.  Science projects are inexpensive.

Cons: You have to help kids with most of these kits/activities -- but what's worth more of your time?

6. My favorite family-time gift: Games

We’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of games that I played when I was a kid and have been learning a lot of new ones, too.  You can’t go wrong with the gift of a game, and there’s something in every price range.  So there’s no pros/cons list here – just an opportunity for lots of family fun.  Here’s what our home enjoys best:

For strategic thinking: Sorry, Clue, Monopoly, Connect Four, Battleship, Mancala

For spatial relations: Jenga, Blokus, Tangoes

For memory: Stare!

For math: Yahtzee, Monopoly

For language: Scrabble, Boggle

For geography: Great States, Great States Junior

Fun card games: Uno, Blink, Set, Would You Rather, and the classics: Go Fish, Old Maid, War

For little kids: Going to Grandma’s House, Boggle Junior, Memory, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders

New games that Santa might bring this year:
- For Petunia: Monopoly City with a Monopoly dog theme pack on the side, Ticket to Ride (I'd never heard of this but found it's highly rated) Sorry Sliders, Clue's Harry Potter edition, Pictureka card game, Rook card game
- For Dash: Monopoly Junior
- For both: Wild Planet Hyper Dash, Qwirkle (received all sorts of award and a Mensa stamp of approval)

I apologize for not linking to all of those games, but I assure you that most are available on-line at Amazon and probably are even cheaper at WalMart or Target, both of which have monster discounts going on toys this holiday season. 

Also, don't forget about classic free games: hangman, tic-tac-toe, charades, scavenger hunts... There are great ways to make homemade "kits" for these games.  Someone once gave me a home-made tablet of tic-tac-toe, dot-to-dot, and hangman games for Petunia, all printed on "GOOS" paper (good on other side -- in other words, recycled office paper!).  We loved it!

7. Puzzles

Along the same lines, our family really enjoys a good jigsaw puzzle.  During the summer between my high school graduation and college, the Guv and I spent hours on end putting together complex jigsaws.  (We were in rural West Virginia; there’s not a whole lot going on.)  If you pick up a puzzle mat and a couple of good puzzles, you’ve got a great gift.

Melissa & Doug makes a lot of great floor puzzles for little kids.  We especially love their Children of the World and Solar System floor puzzles.

For kids of all ages, we love the Great American Puzzle Factory.  How can you not love something with "Great American" in the title?!   We own some of their John Deer puzzles and will be picking up some of their fantasy ones this year.

Ravensburger is also a go-to, solid brand.  It's a German company that's been around since the late 1800s.  They make puzzleballs that are lots of fun.  We own some horse and unicorn puzzles from this company.  Because their quality is high, so is their price; these puzzles will last forever, whereas cheaper ones probably won't last for a second kid.

8. On-line fun

Petunia is in 4th grade, and, since 2nd grade, has really enjoyed on-line gaming.  She collects Webkinz, small stuffed animals that come with an on-line gaming access code, and our family finds the on-line games fun and educational.  The child plays games to earn money, then they have to budget to buy food and other needs for their pets.  (There is no way to "buy" more money within the games -- so don't worry about being pestered for a credit card number!)  There are also cards and accessories available that enhance the online world without your having to buy more animals.  Bella Sara horses work along similar lines with regard to the gaming, but the only thing sold for these are baseball-type cards; they're in packets and sets of packets available at places like Target, WalMart, ToysRUs, etc.

Petunia is also a big KidZui fan.  A subscription site, KidZui is a portal to the web for kids with kid-safe/kid-friendly browsing, search and content such as games and pre-screened YouTube videos.  We like it because we feel like she's in "safe space" when she's on KidZui, and we know that we don't have to be sitting right next to her fearing what'll pop up next on the YouTube screen. 

9. Video games

We’re a Nintendo Wii family, and we’ve been having loads of fun this year with Wii Sports Resort.  We also remain Animal Crossing: City Folk fans, and Rock Band 2 is always a blast – you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Dash’s “Hungry Like the Wolf” and Petunia’s “We Got the Beat!”  These are games that we all play and love -- not just for kids!  Though we all note that there will probably never be another Wii game as good as Super Mario Galaxy.

For the Nintendo DS, Petunia is going to be getting Professor Layton’s Diabolical Box this year; it was swag from our Silicon Valley Moms Blog holiday party, and it looks like an awesome, thinking game.

Dash will score his first hand-held also, as the Guv picked up a half-price Leapster 2 for him on Black Friday.  Since he enjoys his Tag reading system so much and is always begging to play games on Petunia’s Nintendo DS or iPod Touch or on a parent’s iPhone, we want him to have his own fun, interactive gaming.  I like Leap Frog toys and hope that this is as good as their reading systems like the Tag.

Why include on-line and video games in a gift list for kids?  Our family appreciates their interactivity; it’s better than kids sitting on their rumps in front of the television alone.  We’ve seen how the kids math and reading skills have improved through using on-line tools, and hey – if that’s what reaches them best, then they’re not bad.  We limit screen-time; these gift recommendations are for fun things to enjoy during those limited hours.  Everything in moderation!

If you've stuck with this guide 'til the end, thanks, and stay tuned for the last gift guide, Stuff that's not Stuff!

Buy Wine for a Great Cause: Magical Bridge Playground

This just in: the Magical Bridge cabernet sauvignon is already sold out -- so if you're going to purchase some wine in support of this fabulous park, do it NOW!

Here's the link.

And a review of the message originally published in my gift guide: Some friends of mine in Palo Alto are working hard to make this Magical Bridge playground a reality.  This will be Palo Alto's only playground designed with the needs of those with physical and/or cognitive challenges in mind.  Think about it: most playgrounds are rife with sand and mulch, steps and bars that a child with physical handicaps can't necessarily access -- and a parent in a wheelchair can't reach if their child is in danger.  This park takes into account all of these unique needs.  Every kid needs a place to play, and there are so many parks in Palo Alto that aren't accessible to every kid; I'm really, really proud of my friends who are bringing this special park for everyone to life.

Priced from $20-30/bottle, this wine makes a great holiday gift that keeps on giving.  While enjoying the wine, the recipient can read about the Magical Bridge playground on its label.  Shhh, don't tell, but I'm gifting this wine to most of my kids' teachers and coaches.  Last year, we gave them Feed 100 bags from Whole Foods, another gift with a message -- but I like this gift of wine better because it benefits local kids who need an accessible park

GIVEAWAY! Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

I have mad, mad love for the "Night at the Museum" movie franchise.  Perhaps it's because we were members of and frequent visitors to the American Museum of Natural History when the first "Night at the Museum" film came out -- or perhaps it's because I've been a Ben Stiller fan since "There's Something about Mary."  Regardless, they are fantastic movies, especially because the entire family really can enjoy them; there's a crazy-awesome cast (hello, Robin Williams, Owen Wilson, etc.!) that parents will love, and awesome stuff-coming-to-life that kids will love.  But despite my love of the first "Night" movie, I never made it to the theater to see the second one; I figured I'd wait for the DVD.  Enter Fox-MGM, who sent me a sneak preview, and we watched it twice in a row (and several more times in the week after)!  "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" involves the return of our favorite characters from the first "Night" film (e.g. Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt) and adds some fabulous new ones, such as Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart.  These movies deliver fun, action, and adventure in a family-friendly PG format.  I can't rave enough!

Just in time for some fantastic holiday-break family movie nights, the folks at Fox and MGM Home Entertainment are offering Rox and Roll readers the opportunity to win copies of this fun film.  I have three copies to give away.  Anyone who reads my blog and does not reside in my immediate household can enter to win!  To enter, here are the rules:

1. Leave a comment, making sure you've registered with your real e-mail address, by noon P.S.T. on Saturday, December 5.  (I'll pick a winner that evening using a randomizer, and I'll notify you.)
2. In your comment, tell me: what would you like to see come to life in a future "Night at the Museum" movie?  (Disclaimer: Fox-MGM didn't ask me to ask you that question -- it's just a fun thing that my kids and I imagine when we're in museums now, thanks to these awesome movies!)
3. If you win and respond to my e-mail by Monday, December 7 at 9 a.m. E.S.T., you'll get a copy of this fantastic DVD.  (If you don't respond, I'll pick another winner at that time.)

Any questions, e-mail roxinsv at gmail dot com (replacing at and dot with the appropriate symbols!). 

And to answer my own question: I'd love to see a future "Night" movie in New York's MoMA with the helicopter flying around -- a dream shared by Dash! 

Enjoy the show!

The RoxAndRoll 2009 Holiday Gift Guide: Stuff for Adults

Here it is: RoxAndRoll's favorite things of 2009!  So what, you ask?!  I point you to my family, who will tell you that I fixate on giving people good gifts.  I don't believe in buying people junk, especially as I am still in the process of decluttering my house from the junk people gave us when we married thirteen years ago plus the nine years (and counting) of childrearing.  The list below is stuff I'd give to family members, teachers, friends; there are no "luxury" gifts here, nor is there a spectacular dollar-store find.  The best stuff in life is not stuff at all -- but if you are going to buy stuff for someone else, here are some gifts that will be appreciated.  I've written out tales to go with my top 5 pics, then I follow with a handful of honorable mentions with briefer descriptions.  Enjoy!

1. My very favorite thing of 2009: The Activeion Pro

What -- a cleaning tool?  For Christmas?  Yes, I'm serious!  Read on:

Back in May, the PR firm handling the Activeion Pro account held this fantastic event at The Tech in San Jose during which Bill Nye the Science Guy demonstrated the Activeion, explained the science behind it, and showed the crowd, kids included, some other fun science tricks.  In fact, this event promised to be so fantastic that I cancelled a trip to Vegas with my husband to be among the crowd; Bill Nye is my four year-old son Dash's personal hero, and I couldn't miss this chance for him to meet the guy IRL.  Whatever the Activeion Pro was didn't matter back then -- this was Bill Nye the Science Guy!  IRL!   AWESOME!

Well, as it turns out, the Activeion Pro they gave me is equally awesome, and I don't say that lightly.  This cleaning system is amazing, the science behind it incredible.  It uses tap water alone -- ONLY water -- and converts it to a cleaner and sanitizer using ionizing technology (basically electrically charging the water).  Before you get all freaked out by that, yes, it's safe -- and it cleans and sanitizes as well as Clorox.  I don't use other cleaners anymore.  Gone are my Windex, Clorox spray, Fantastik, you name it... the only other cleaners I use are Method products for dusting and for the toilets/tubs, though I think the Activeion handles my tile pretty darned well.  It makes my stainless steel shine, my windows sparkle, and my counters sanitized.  When my parents' dog had surgery and his wound bled on their white couch and carpet, the Activeion even cleaned that.  It's a freakin' miracle cleaning system.  Fewer chemicals, safe for my kids and pets... it's the best swag I ever received!

And did I mention that it's made in Minnesota, right here in the U.S.A.? 

The downside?  The Activeion Pro retails for $299.  However, they have a new model (the ionater HOM) that sells for $169.  I'm sure I spent that much, probably more, in a year on cleaning products.  Will your spouse find the gift of a cleaning product offensive?  Possibly... but your mom will love it. 

Disclaimer: Yes, I received a free Activeion Pro.  I was not asked to blog about it and am receiving no compensation for recommending this product.  It's just my own opinion, after using it for six months, that it's awesome.  You need one of these, you really do.

2. My favorite kitchen gadget of 2009: The Breadman TR875 2-Pound Breadmaker, Stainless Steel

I am allergic to wheat.  I do not have to live gluten-free, but I mostly do -- mostly because restaurants bizarrely respect "gluten-free" over "wheat could kill me."  In any event, of all the things that I have never found suitable replacements for (pie crust? ha!), bread topped the list.  I can eat spelt, but, as my husband eats delicious loaf after delicious loaf of Mayfield's sourdough, sometimes, I just want a white bread that I can smother with butter and enjoy with tea -- one that doesn't have the texture of sand and the flavor of sheetrock.  Sometimes I want gluten-free pizza dough that doesn't cost a small fortune.  Sometimes I don't have the patience to knead and wait and punch down and knead again.  Who knew what a miracle a bread machine was?!

This Breadman breadmaker does everything for you.  You just dump in the ingredients, and it mixes, rises, kneads, bakes, etc.  My favorite thing to make in it is Pamela's gluten-free bread.   Also, this bread machine comes with a recipe book that includes gluten-free recipes; and, with a gluten-free setting, baking often-testy gluten-free recipes is foolproof!

At just under $100, this breadmaker is a great value, in my opinion.  I bought my own, and, over two months, it probably paid for itself compared to the overpriced, bad GF bread I used to buy.  For whom is this a great gift?  Any GF person you know, or anyone who loves the smell of fresh bread baking in his/her house -- it's a real treat.

3. My favorite gift for a cause: Magical Bridge wine

Some friends of mine in Palo Alto are working hard to make the Magical Bridge playground a reality.  This will be Palo Alto's only playground designed with the needs of those with physical and/or cognitive challenges in mind.  Think about it: most playgrounds are rife with sand and mulch, steps and bars that a child with physical handicaps can't necessarily access -- and a parent in a wheelchair can't reach if their child is in danger.  This park takes into account all of these unique needs.  Every kid needs a place to play, and there are so many parks in Palo Alto that aren't accessible to every kid; I'm really, really proud of my friends who are bringing this special park for everyone to life.

Priced from $20-30/bottle, this wine makes a great holiday gift that keeps on giving.  While enjoying the wine, the recipient can read about the Magical Bridge playground on its label.  Shhh, don't tell, but I'm gifting this wine to most of my kids' teachers and coaches.  Last year, we gave them Feed 100 bags from Whole Foods, another gift with a message -- but I like this gift of wine better because it benefits local kids who need an accessible park.

4. My favorite "green" buy of 2009: To-Go Ware's 3-Tier Action Pack #2

Oh, how I'm dying to get away from plastic.  Everyone knows that used and reused disposable plastic containers, especially when you heat things in them, is bad for you.  But I pack my kids' lunches in plastic, still, because it's so convenient.  I used the healthiest plastic containers that I can find (like Laptop Lunches), but I wanted something different for me.  I carry lunch to Dash's preschool, and I wanted a container that could a.) hold both of our lunches, b.) not stain and stink to high heaven even after being washed, c.) not leach dangerous chemicals into our food, and d.) look cool. 

At Green Fest this year, I found this To-Go Ware tiffin box set, a three-tier tiffin box with an extra tiny container inside for something like salad dressing plus a carrier and bamboo utensils.  I have been oogling these on the Reusable Bags website for quite some time but hesitated; at around $50 for the set, it seemed a pricier lunchbox than using the containers I have in a reusable bag.  I scored a deal at Green Fest and got it for $45 -- and I just love it.  I can fit everything for both Dash and me in it, and food tastes great straight out of it.  The downside is that you can't microwave the containers, so we just pack cold stuff -- not the end of the world.  It's a fun way to save money by brown-bagging -- err, tiffin-boxing -- it.  For whom would I buy this?  Teachers, especially the ones sitting on your school's "green team," would love it; or anyone promising a new year's diet, which always starts with stopping the eating-out thing.

5. My favorite gourmet gift: Bluebottle Coffee

If you haven't had Bluebottle coffee, you haven't lived.  I kid you not.  This small roaster in Oakland, CA (third most dangerous city in America!  yippee!) makes THE best coffee on the fast of God's green earth.  Even Philz (my second favorite) is a far cry from Bluebottle.  Their Hayes Valley Espresso is so good that my brother -- the biggest coffee snob ever (and I won't even offend him by saying that) -- mail-orders it from DC to make in his super-fancy ($$$$!) coffee system.  

I drink this nectar of the gods regularly at Fraiche yogurt, but you can order it online by the pound or in multi-month gift subscriptions.  For whom would I buy this?  Clearly, my brother, or any other coffee afficionado; or, again, teachers -- just leave out the mug, as teachers really don't need any more of those!  Other ideas: coaches, the helpful receptionist at your doctor's office, anyone who'll give you the swine flu vaccine, your neighbor... the possibilities are endless!

The RoxAndRoll 2009 Gift Guide Honorable Mentions:

Around the Table: Kitchen and Gourmet Specialties with a great assortment of holiday gift baskets - This was my favorite store in Pennington, New Jersey, and I can vouch for the owner, Chris Toto, an awesome chef and great person.  These are great gifts for that East Coast relative for whom you don't know what to buy.

xsbaggage&co: This Etsy shop has gorgeous purses with awesome, numerous pockets handmade in Pennsylvania.  I've carried one of their bags for over a year, and it has no signs of wear and tear -- at $40, they're a steal!  They're a great gift for someone transitioning out of a diaper bag because of those glorious pockets.

Livestrong fitness gear: I don't know a man -- or woman -- who doesn't love Livestrong stuff.  Proceeds from the purchase of this gear go toward the Lance Armstrong Foundation in support of cancer research.  It's especially great stuff for the cyclist in your life.

Rabbit wine opener: I can't open a bottle of wine to save my life except with this amazing Rabbit opener that my husband received as swag about five years ago.  It both opens and recorks a bottle effortlessly.  Your 90 year-old arthritic granny could open wine with this gadget.  They are available in a variety of sets and price ranges, starting at around $35 at WalMart to nearly $100 for tabletop models.

What gift would you add to this "Stuff For Adults" list?  I'd love to hear your ideas!  Happy Holidays!

The RoxAndRoll 2009 Holiday Gift Guide: Coming Soon

This year, I have been one lucky blogger.  Among the BlogHer conference, the recent Silicon Valley Moms Blog pre-holiday bash, a handful of special events, some really cool friends who have given me and mine some great gifts, and my own shopping, I have compiled a list of my very favorite things for giving this year.  This is all great stuff.  I have not been asked to blog about any of it; I have chosen to feature this stuff because I actually like it!  Of course, I will disclose the source of any products I've been given; just know that I don't whore myself these opinions are mine alone and come from my heart, not from any company.  After all, this is Rox and Roll, not Washington, D.C.; lobbyists don't have me by my brass ones.

Over the course of this week, there will be three gift guide installments: Stuff for Adults, Stuff for Kids, and Stuff that's not Stuff.  I'll also be doing my first-ever giveaway!  So stay tuned for some great... stuff.