Driving home from the Ben & Jerry's factory tour, Petunia starts on a rant. Usually, if she goes on a rant, it's about the injustices that nine year-old girls heap on each other, or how much nine year-old boys suck, or, these days, how unfair it is that Michael Jackson died before she could see him in concert. (That's thanks to her Grandma, a true MJ addict who has shared the love.) On rare occasion, it's a rant directed at us: you don't let me horseback ride, why can't I go to sleepaway camp, I want to jump off of the same bridge my friends are, blah blah blah.
In any event, today's rant was on Hannah Montana, and it went something like this:
Petunia: "I can't STAND that Hannah Montana."
Mama, who will soon regret engaging on this topic: "Yeah, I forget, why exactly is that? A lot of girls you like are really into Hannah Montana."
Petunia: "I KNOW, and I can't believe it! I mean, first of all, why does one person have to be two people? It's like, she's Miley Cyrus; why does she have to be Hannah Montana too?"
Mama: "She's acting... you know, like Vanessa Hudgins acts as Gabriella in High School Musical."
Petunia: "That's SO not the same. It's CLEAR Vanessa Hudgins is acting in a movie that someone wrote. There's nothing CLEAR about Hannah Montana. It's like she's trying to be two people and doesn't know who she is!"
Mama: "You mean it's like Miley Cyrus not knowing who she is?"
Petunia: "What's the difference? They're both the same people! That's my problem!"
... fast forward HALF AN HOUR ... to Mama wishing she would've encouraged Petunia to nap like her sleeping brother ...
Petunia: "The thing is, Miley Cyrus isn't bad. She's normal looking. She looks like Kelly Clarkson or something.. you know, like a REAL person. Hannah Montana? She's fake."
Mama: "Because that's Miley Cyrus playing a role."
Petunia: "I can't believe you still don't get this, Mama. When somebody acts in a role, she doesn't have to put a blonde wig over her brown hair. She doesn't have to put on make-up and scanty clothes. She doesn't have to be like that. She could just be like herself and act."
(Mama confesses that she was a little bit happy with that last statement, while supressing the urge to bring up Vanessa Hudgins' nude pics)
Mama: "Okay, I get it. You don't like Hannah Montana."
Petunia (far from finished with rant): "And do you know why you shouldn't like her either? She wears more make-up than TEN Bratz dolls put together. And you hate Bratz dolls. So there."
Mama: "So there. Want to listen to some Taylor Swift now?"
Petunia: "THANK GOD SHE'S ONLY ONE PERSON."
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