In this post, I am participating in the Silicon Valley Moms Blog book club. This time around, we read "Do One Nice Thing" by Debbie Tenzer. Our book club doesn't do book reviews but, rather, encourages us to write a response to what we read. In the post below, I share my goals for teaching my kids kindness, highlighting our ongoing experience with The Box Project.
Of all of the things I hope to inspire in my children, kindness tops the list. They may be nationally-ranked tennis players, virtuoso musicians, and Yale-educated Rhodes scholars someday -- but none of that will matter a whit if they're not good people. My kids lead easier lives than most, and, while I never want them to feel bad about their good fortune, I want them to be aware of it -- but, at the same time, I don't want to raise little "limousine liberals" either. Aware of that fine line, I seek to model empathy for my kids the same way my parents did for me. I remember how my mom volunteered through a local food pantry; with her in rural West Virginia, I made some of those deliveries to families whose living conditions remain deplorable. I also noted how my mom would help others on occasion anonymously and of her own accord, like by leaving healthy groceries on a doorstep of a down-on-her-luck single mom down the street. My grandfather, with an eighth-grade education and a GED, spent his first decade of retirement teaching others to read. Had I not seen my own family in action while at an impressionable age, I wonder... would I care this much that people had their basic needs met?
With Dash, then 3 and a bit of a hellion, and Petunia, then 8 and ready to take on the world, I wondered how I could model the volunteerism my family had modeled for me. Our school district has a fantastic program that offers regular service opportunities for kids; Petunia participates, but there's no real family involvement. While I was mulling through our options, a friend posted on Facebook about her involvement in The Box Project, a family-to-family non-profit organization which matches families living in extreme rural poverty in America with sponsoring families who mail them a box full of necessities each month. Perfect, I thought; this is a way our family can make a real difference in another family's life long-term.
I applied to join the Box Project and, within weeks, received a match family. Our family lives on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota; they are Lakota Sioux. The mother, Berta, has three kids, H (girl, 11), J (girl, 7) and N (boy, 2). Pine Ridge is the poorest reservation in our country, with unemployment above 80%; its residents lack a lot of resources that we take for granted. The grocery store and shopping (only a WalMart) is 45 minutes away, and there is no bus service. There is also no library. Middle schoolers (like H) go away to boarding school on the reservation if they're lucky; it's not a banner education, but they learn the crafts and language of the Lakota Sioux in order to keep their tribe alive. Winters are awful, and a lot of families don't have heat unless they chop wood. I lucked out; my family's mom has a one-bedroom apartment with all utilities, so I didn't have to figure out how to get cords of wood delivered in the dead of winter. Instead, I could focus on their other needs. Warned by friends that "they'll just be out to get your money," I proved them wrong, still carrying with me the letter that Berta first sent me... "We have so little that anything you send will help a great deal," she wrote. "Mostly right now I need socks and underwear for the children, and, when it gets cold, another blanket might be nice. More towels, too, so we don't have to share." I had to press her for more information than that and came to find out that she had only one pan and no cooking utensils. A year later, Berta still hasn't asked for much without prodding, so I've learned to send her a questionnaire and a stamped envelope to return after receiving each monthly box; this way, I know if the kids have school supply needs, if anyone has a birthday coming up, and if clothing and shoe sizes change.
While we were preparing our first boxes to this family, we also made several trips to the library, trips during which Petunia checked out books on the Lakota Sioux, learning about Wounded Knee and much more. She's also learning a lot from the letters we receive from the family, and she's making friends with the oldest girl through being a pen-pal. Four year-old Dash, who I thought might not be ready to help yet, knows there's a little boy in the family, so each box has one of his Matchbox cars tucked inside, just like every box has something picked by Petunia for each of the girls, often a hand-me-down shirt or a hair accessory. I don't take my kids out shopping for the family, but, rather, I encourage them to look at what they have and think about what others might need. Not only are we helping a family who really needs it, but we're stockpiling a lot less clothes, toys and, yes, even cooking utensils. It feels good to be helping, and perhaps I'll be setting my kids up for a lifetime of remembering that, if you have too much, there's always someone who needs it more than you do.
If you are interested in joining the Box Project, please visit their website, www.boxproject.org. The Box Project has been fighting poverty in rural America since 1962.
I also always add a line about whether or not I'd recommend the book we read, and, in this case, I offer an enthusiastic YES! "Do One Nice Thing" is a great way to foster the spirit of giving in your home, or to gain some new ideas if you're fresh out. Enjoy!
Great post! I, too, was matched with a family at Pine Ridge for a while - a woman with her son and two grandsons. My experience was similar to yours in that I had to really prod to get her to tell me what they needed, and she always responded with very gracious letters. "My" family eventually moved away from Pine Ridge to seek a better life, so now I'm thinking of signing up with another organization - One Spirit - for a new match. Their website is at http://nativeprogress.org/ in case you're interested.
Thanks again for the great post. I'm sharing it with my Facebook friends.
Posted by: Lynnette Taff | March 04, 2010 at 12:41 AM