I am writing this post from an extremely comfortable perch in the Concierge Level of the Chicago Sheraton. The room upgrade is courtesy of my ever-traveling husband, whose Starwood points level made the desk clerk's eyes pop. It was really, really nice to arrive here alone and be treated like an honored guest -- so this Sheraton (and Starwood in general) gets a double thumbs-up from me. You know what else gets the double thumbs-up? Chicago! I am shocked. I was in Chicago once, almost 25 years ago. I remembered it like present-day Philly, but it is just not. It is beautiful -- sparkly, clean, gorgeous! I could live here... in the summer. I will never see another winter, not because this damned pneumonia will have gotten the best of me but, rather, because I choose to live where it's 72 and sunny every blessed day. Thank you, Silicon Valley, for giving me that.
Now, on to BlogHer and my observations. The first thing I have to say, as you may have already guessed from my writing, is that BlogHer is not about blogging; it is about drinking alcohol. It is about starting your day with a drink, having a drink for morning snack, with lunch, after lunch, mid-afternoon, cocktail party, dinner, and many afterparties. I am pretty much not exaggerating here. Hiccup. These ladies d-r-i-n-k their weight in booze. I am aghast, and I am not even trying to keep up. I had a couple of cocktails tonight (a SoBe margarita, an HP-tini) ... and a coffee drink, but I think it was spiked, too. Tomorrow, water. Lots and lots of water. And I'll be eating my breakfast, sans Bloody Mary (which, IMHO, tastes like ass), in the Concierge Level Lounge. Sweet baby Jeebus, nobody needs liquor for breakfast!
Enough about the booziness of this place, let's move onto the swag. There are people who come to this conference for the swag alone, but, in some instances, scoring swag is akin to risking your life. My first BlogHer party was the Social Luxe Lounge at the nearby Hyatt, and that one got nasty with regard to the swag. RSVPs weren't checked, people were cheating to get multiple bags, and I didn't get a one. And I was okay with that, because I scored some Crocs for my kid, a manicure and a glass of wine (hiccup) -- that was good enough for me. But when I left, there was a woman arguing vehemently with the party's registration girls about her missing swag bag. Since Obama was about to show up at that very hotel, I moved on to other things like figuring out how to accost him over his plan to soak the "rich" to pay for his healthcare plan. The Secret Service thwarted my attempts, so I went back to my hotel and moved on to our Silicon Valley Moms Group party, hosted by the Chicago Moms Blog at the NV Lounge.
To get to the SVMG party, we had to take trolley buses, which would have been a lot more fun had the driver not taken forever to leave and then gotten lost. No matter; we showed up, and there were two vodka cocktails waiting for us -- a good thing for me, because I can't drink vodka. When I ordered one of the drinks "virgin," the bartender -- a Jessica Simpson look-alike, and she knew it -- rolled her well-painted eyes at me. The staff at that lounge clearly didn't *get* mommy bloggers. I got over it after eating some bacon-stuffed tomatoes (doesn't bacon make the world a better place?!) and some ribs that tasted of cinnamon (a fabulous combination, btw). Then we moved on to tarot card readings, back massages, and a crazy photo booth. The SVMG party was my favorite so far because it was about sharing an experience -- not about stuff, as there was no swag. Dare I say no one missed the "stuff"?
Then... because of course there are parties all night here at BlogHer... I moved on to the People's Party. More booze, more swag -- and this time, there was enough for everyone from places like Scholastic, Disney, the Ringling Brothers Circus, and hosts of others. But it was wayyyyy too packed to even move. So... I went down to get in line for the Room-Something-or-Other party.
Now, I wouldn't have known about the Room-Something-or-Other party had it not been for my friend Beth. She whispered to me that it was a must-go. I hadn't RSVP'd; I had no idea what it was and figured, with this much booze flowing, it was probably a drug-swap -- and, quite frankly, this lightweight needed to go to sleep. Dutifully, though, I RSVP'd, BlogHer newbie that I am, and learned while standing in line that the swag was... drum roll please... sex toys. In other words, these women are very serious about their partying on multiple levels. I stood there with a bunch of people whom I'd just met, chatting as if we weren't doing something very, ahem, weird. We were standing in line for free sex toys. That's just weird, people. And then, something happened. The line surged forward like WalMart on the day after Christmas. Not interested in being trampled -- and I seriously was in danger -- I stepped aside. I did not get a bag of sex toys, much to the Guv's chagrin. Seriously, though, there were fake butts in there. Fake. Butts. And since I already have an ass and a half after birthing two kids, I just didn't need that. Thanks, bye-bye. I went to bed.
So the lesson I learned from the BlogHer pre-party day: Women bloggers are drunk swag whores.
Tomorrow, a recap of Day One...
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