No, I'm not writing about my years at Wesleyan (1991-1995). Alert the AP wire: Dash tried new foods!
For those of you who don't know him, you're like "whatever" -- and for those of you who do know him, you're dancing around in your skivvies right about now. See, Dash has this problem: he hates food. He is the kid who'd rather starve than eat -- and he has a graduate degree from CHoP's feeding and swallowing program to prove it... except that it's been revoked, as he recently stopped eating again. We were back to the days when he ate five Cheerios and called them breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, and dessert, and that was it for the day. He's of average height, and he's not on the weight chart -- again. He may have a medical concern like reflux again; or he may just be being stubborn again. And I suspected the latter.
So, I sat Dash down and reminded him of where we've been in his 5.5 years of life, of the discussions of feeding tubes and endoscopies, the tube from which he pulled out himself last time. (Neither he nor I really go "under," apparently. It's really not a good thing.) I showed him the food pyramid and growth charts and frankly, I might as well have been speaking to him in Sanskrit, because the kid didn't speak the language. Finally, he'd had enough and said, "Fine. Have them cut me and put a tube into me. Because I'm not eating MEAT no matter what!"
And I said, "Say that again."
And he said, "I'm not eating MEAT."
Jesus Lord of Promises, that's the issue? Meat? Thank you for revealing to me that Dash is a vegetarian, with the exception of an occasional McNugget, which I'm pretty sure doesn't count. And Ian's chicken burgers. Okay, maybe he's not a vegetarian, but I'm hard-pressed to find any meat he'll consume.
So I explained to him that he has lots of alternatives to meat, like tofu. Beans. And I don't know what else, but I'm going to find out. And do you know what my boy said?
"Let's have a tofu party for dinner!" [Side note: I think his dad died a little inside at that moment.]
So we went to Whole Foods, and we picked up "smart dogs," and "veggie corn dogs," and inari, and tofu noodles, and baked tofu, and edamame, and several other tofu things. We added some new (to him) cheese items like cheese ravioli, and pub cheese and whole wheat tortillas (his idea), and more wheat crackers and cheese spreads, Plus, he threw in a coconut milk-based dessert.
And, well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit: the boy tried every. single. thing. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. (Well, except for the two I didn't cook. Tomorrow!)
Well, I never.
He didn't care for the inari.
And he wouldn't even touch the edamame, but he warned me in the store that he didn't think he liked that idea. (Daddy loves edamame, fortunately -- it's the only way to get him on the tofu bandwagon!)
He ate about half of the veggie corn dog before deciding he didn't like it much -- but he gave it the college try.
He deemed the noodles disgustingly slimy.
He loved pub cheese rolled in a wheat tortilla.
He loved Laughing Cow spread on Carr's whole wheat crackers.
He thought the plain cheese ravioli (no butter, no sauce) was okay.
And he hated the coconut milk bar.
Now, you might not think it's a big deal for a kid to eat cheese spread on a tortilla and rolled up, or cheese spread on a cracker, and plain ravioli is pretty much baby food -- but this kid has never eaten any of that. He won't even eat mac-n-cheese anymore, really. He likes his carbs plain and unspread -- and only carbs. No meat, no cheese. So, to have him actually try these things willingly without either a carrot or a stick? Miraculous. Simply miraculous.
So I told that boy that tomorrow, we're going to go out for an after-party -- an after-tofu-party! -- to pick up a new marble set like the one his sister just bought that he covets, and we can shoot marbles all afternoon.
He said, "Okay, mama, but only if I can have those cheese and crackers for lunch first. With applesauce."
There is a God in heaven, and, apparently, he's a vegetarian. Sort-of.
P.S. But Dash is still going back into a pediatric nutrition clinic for supervision, because this Mama wasn't born yesterday. We start in two weeks, and, tackling it from all fronts, I hope this will be the first of many posts in celebration of food. Hooray!
Recent Comments